User Profile

I wasn't born Margaret Warden. It started as a joke pen name in middle school. But when I left my husband, I left everything, including my name. But names can be changed. And soon enough I will legally be Margaret Warden. You can call me Marty. I'm 21, and I live in Po-Dunk Tennessee.

I always hated filling out the bio part of journals and sharing sites, mainly because I find it difficult to cover everything, and often forget things. It is hard to describe ones self when you are the type of person with a million and one interests and ideals. I almost always leave something out, or (more often than not) will fill it out depending on my mood, and therefor never cover the broad spectrum that is my life. So I have (finally) decided to dedicate the time to sit down and cover EVERY aspect of that which is me.

For starters, there are the basics. Things I have already mentioned: that I am 21, Margarete is not my legal name (not yet), I live in a very small town in Tennessee, and, just in case you couldn't tell, I am a female.

Then, we move on to the more detailed things, the more in depth, the reason that I have trouble filling this mess out. So let's get started, shall we?

I have always found myself attracted to sexually related things. I am bisexual, and although I did not come to the realization until I was nearly 13, in hindsight I knew long before that. Looking back, I can remember being 7 or 8, fascinated with ladies underthings catalogs and magazines, and touching myself like all children do, because they don't know what it means and don't know any better. As I grew older, I found myself drawn to sex, from either gender. I lost my virginity at an inappropriately young age- a fact that I am not necessarily proud of, just information that has formed me into who I am today. I watched a fascination with stuffed animals grow into a plushy fetish, and I find what a lot of women see as a chore (sex), a luxury. I watch porn religiously, and masturbate more often than the average man. I guess, in short, you could say I am nymphomaniac, with a few fetishes and mild kinks.

Alright enough sex. Let's move on to romance. I am explaining each separately because for me they do not have to go hand in hand. It is beautiful and magical when they do, but they don't have to. I am one of those cynically homeless romantics. I spent the majority of my older childhood jumping from one relationship to another. I would get broken up with, and have a new boyfriend or girlfriend in a matter of days. All I ever wanted in life was to get married and have babies. I was overly clingy and often would be with anyone who would have me (which often got me into some bad situations.) I got married for all the wrong reasons, if not slightly against my will. I left my husband in March09 and only started dating again in October09. After having left mu husband, I became a cynical, down on love. Yet, I am still on the look, wanting nothing more than to find my Prince. I thought for the longest time that the reason I kept getting heart broken again and again and again was because love bites. It took me a long time to realize that I had never actually felt love. I have had puppy love, like with my high school sweet heart and my first serious crush/infatuation, and there is a girl who lives overseas that keeps my heart beating, but I had never felt true love. I was in love with romance. I am hoping that sooner or later (hopefully sooner) I will find my Prince, and I can enjoy what love is suppose to be.

Slightly related to love and romance, but not entirely, is homemaking. Which in itself carries many sub categories for me. I previously mentioned that all I wanted is to be married and have babies. For me, this goes beyond marriage and children. I enjoy cooking and cleaning and being a housewife type figure. Even if legal marriage is not involved, this is what I love. I always have. As a bit of a neat freak, and a victim of OCD, I don't see cleaning as a chore. I actually enjoy cleaning. Yes, I enjoy having a clean house, but I enjoy the process as well. Also, I have always had baby fever, even during a time in my life when I swore I would never have children. I have always wanted them. I go through regular bouts of Baby Fever, and spend my nights researching baby things and reading parenting blogs. Becoming a mother was (and is) a huge part of my life's plan. Now, I am not a woman who wants a career. This is not to say that I am lazy. I have been supporting myself (and often times, others) since I was 17, and I have been working since I was 10. I am not afraid of hard work, it's just not something that I want for myself. Feminism is about the right to choose, and I choose to be a homemaker rather than a bread winner. Another part of this rather large category, is the country girl aspect. I lived in a tee tiny town here in this great state for nearly 12 years of my life. For most of my teens I wanted to move out into the city. Let it be noted that it was also during my teens when I swore I would never get married or have children. Then when I turned 19 I moved to the city with my at the time boyfriend who later became my husband (and who will, not soon enough, become my EX husband.) I hated it. The city is nice to visit, but I hadn't realized just how happy I was with country life. When I left, I came to another tee tiny town (though not the same town and certainly not quite as tee tiny) and I love it. Some people are just meant for small towns, and I am one of those people. I also know full well that I want to live on a small farm at some point: a few acres, chickens for fresh eggs, a dairy cow for cream and homemade butter, a massive vegetable garden for fresh vegetables as well as canning, and a few horses. And yes, I know how to take care of all of those things. I am a country girl, farm life is not a new concept to me. It was simply a lifestyle that I didn't know I wanted until I left it.

I have, from a rather young age, been fascinated with the dark side. By this I mean the macabre, morbid, and sometimes down right grotesque things. In my teens I went through my goth phase, and even though I have grown out of gothic style clothing, I am still highly intrigued by gothic things: usually art and books more than anything else. However, in the real world, I have issues with death, which is often a big part of macabre and gothic interests. I can't go to funerals or cemeteries or be around freshly dead animals. I can't explain it, but I have a theory that it has something to do with how many times I have stared death in the face, or even how many times I have actually been dead. More times than I would like to think about, honestly. I am also an "Ink Whore", which is not entirely macabre or gothic, but it can certainly fit into the category well enough. I love tattoos on other people and I love tattoos for myself, and plan to be quite the "Ink Queen" by the time I am finished. When I mentioned earlier that I have a million and one interests and ideals, this what I meant. How many farmhand/homemakers/stay-at-home-moms do you know that are covered in tattoos? I am willing to guess not many. Ok, onto something else.

I have in my older years (although I am certainly not old) found an interest in the Lolita culture and often see myself as "Quaintrelle". I do not dress in a Lolita fashion, but it is my love of all things elegant, cute, sweet, kawaii, girly and feminine that draw me to it. I enjoy having very Lolita-esque things in my house and often decorate with a quaint theme in mind. I am especially found of the Country-Loli, which could in fact be brought back to my country lifestyle vision. As far as clothing goes, I tend to dress in multiple styles, whatever fits my mood for the day, but I do have a few things that (in my mind) have a Loli inspiration to them, or things that I bought with Loli in mind.

Let's see. Music. I love music, it is often the only thing that keeps me at ease. I love all kinds of music, another factor that many people find strange. My particular favorites are blues and jazz, but I also enjoy rock of any kind, rap and hip-hop and soul, folk music, most country. I also love classical and instrumentals. The only thing I do not perticularly care for is Blue Grass, and I even enjoy some of that. Also, I do not really care for Twilight, but I have come across Robert Pattinson's musical workings, and may I just state that I LOVE his voice. However, my all time artist ever is Steven Tyler/ Aerosmith. What can I say?

Drugs, Sex, and Rock and Roll. Well, I have covered sex and rock, so I will do a quick summary of drugs. Yes, I enjoy recreational drug use. I spent the majority of my teens high as a kite on whatever I could get my hands on, and when I finally put away all of the heavier stuff, I picked up drinking and marijuana. I LOVE marijuana and various prescriptions and drinking, but I am also responsible enough to know when to say no. I am no longer a junkie, but I have been. I know that road.

Finally, and as far as a journal or sharing site goes, most importantly, I love friends. I love making new ones and getting touch with old ones. I am one of those people that needs to be surrounded, I don't like to be alone. I can make friends with almost anyone, because, as you can see, I am several different people all rolled into one disfunctional person. So yes, if you would like to add me, feel free to leave a comment in the friends only post, but be sure to let me know where you found me. And for those few of you who actually read this far, I just want to let you know that you have more patients than me, as in writing this, I have saved and left it nearly a dozen times. Also, I am writing all of this because my journal is often confusing if you don't know all of the details. So here you go: Marty, in a nutshell. I hope you enjoyed it.

NickNames Index
Mom: It's self explanitory that this is my mom. We aren't super close or lovey dovey best friends or anything, but I will always have a certain degree of respect for her, as she pushed my 9lbs 10oz out of her vagina. I think she deserves some kind of recognition for that.
Dad: Or if I am angry enough, "The Donnor." He is my mothers husband, and my biological father. For 12 years I hated him for things that he did to me, but I am trying to let the past be the past and open up my heart ot forgivness. It is a learning process.
BlueBird: This is my little sister, 16 to be exact. I call her BlueBird because she looks like a bird and because she Emotastic alot of the times. Sometimes I just call her Birdie, but she really hates both BlueBird and Birdie, so you might see me refer to her as Bobby Anne. Don't ask why.
4ply: The ten year old brother that I am scared to death of. I call him 4ply because I am refering to toilet paper. Although, in all honesty, I love the kid. Every day he shows improvement. I am stepping in where my mother can't, and I am trying to help him grow into a nice young man. Much more of the way he is acting and he will grow up just like me, and we don't want that. I was a very, very bad teenager. VERY bad.
Mary Jane: The first of my two best friends. I call her Mary Jane because she is so anti-marijuana it gets annoying. She pretty much owns my soul. If she told me to jump off of a bridge, I probably would.
Beanie: The second of my two best friends. I call her Beanie because it is an old joke from highschool. She used to look like a Mexican, and we called her Beaner. She's not actually Mexican.
Bug Buddy: Or, more often than not, just Bug. This is Mary Janes baby. He plays a major factor in my baby fever.
Beanie Baby: Mostly refered to as BB, this is Beanies Baby. Kinda self explanitory. He is adorable, and looks just like his not-Mexican mom. He also plays a major role in baby fever.
Hee-Man: Mary Janes husband, and Bugs daddy. I call him Hee-Man because he is so fucking tiny, he couldn't weigh 90lbs soaking wet in a sweater.
PB&J: PB is Mary Janes dad, and J is her mom. They are like parents to me. They have taken me more times that I can count, and have always been there for me. I call them PB&J, because, like Peanut Butter and Jelly, they are awesome on their own, but so much better together.
Dessy: Another one of my very good friends, we met in third grade, but lost touch when she moved. However, she has moved back to Dickies, and we are re-building our friendship. She is awesome, and pregnant, which is so bad for my fever right now. But I love her.
The Reaper: My ex husband to be. If I weren't so god damn broke, I would have my divorce by now. BASTARD!!!
Igore: An internet friend who loves clue, which is awesome, because so do I. I call him Igore for reasons that even I don't understand.

Friends (17):

Mutual Friends (16):